It's a bit long and a bit ranty to perform comfortably, so I thought I'd give it a home here. It was a handy repository for many of my 'angry queer' feelings at the moment.
This poem is dedicated to all the people I know who, like me spend half their time being accused of being too radically feminist and the other half being accused by feminists of not being radical enough.
I'd also like to address it to Julie Bindel and all the other anti men, antitrans, antifemme, antistraight, antisex bigots masquerading as feminists.
A/typical Feminist Rant
I am atypically feminist
I’m radical alright, but with a twist
I know that shaving off my body hair
And wearing hello kitty underwear
Implies that I have never gone through puberty.
And women’s bodies must be bald for nudity
Conforming to a false standard of beauty.
But do I ever do it? Absolutely!
Because it pleases ME to be a cutie.
But if I want to flaunt my hairy bits
Not THOSE ones, I’m referring to my pits.,
I’ll do it, and somebody will insist
“Oh, that’s so typically feminist.”
No! I’m atypically feminist
I’m radical, it’s true, but with a twist.
To smash the patriarchy would be mad
For surely matriarchy’s just as bad?
If sexual inequality’s a crime
It’s not ok to say ‘all men are swine’
And yet I often come under attack
By people that you’d think would have my back
Apparently I’ve come across a schism:
There is a certain kind of feminism
Which says that women can’t be prostitutes
Unless they are disturbed or destitute.
But if a women WANTS to earn a wage
By selling sex, it fills them all with rage.
And honestly I haven’t got a clue
How judging working girls for what they do
Can make a feminist of me or you.
And when a crazy cleric puts the blame
For earthquakes upon girls who have no shame
And someone tries to mock this sexist oddity
By actively encouraging immodesty
(Oppression overwhelmed by ridicule?
Myself I think that Jen McCreight is cool.)
You’d think that feminism would support her
Instead she’s like a lamb into the slaughter
She’s treated like a naughty, foolish child
With ‘boobquake day’ compared to ‘girls gone wild’?
Now can you see why this has got me riled?
When feminists say “cover up your boobies cos
It’s too much for the guys “ I think its dubious
Because, and please excuse me being candid,
Is that not what that cleric in Iran did?
Such feminists are found in certain places
That they call ‘safe’ or ‘women only’ spaces.
I see the point when changing after swimming,
But ever heard of ‘women beware women?’
What’s safe, then, about being segregated
With women who have just discriminated
Against the planet’s male population?
It makes no sense and fills me with frustration
True life example of discrimination:
A woman with a feminist agenda
Facilitates discussion groups on gender
But says that letting men in would offend her.
Just tell me how you question gender when
You first define and then exclude the men?
But surely I am safe, I thought, I know it
What feminist would hate a woman poet?
But no, apparently I’m off the list
Of virtuous and holy feminists
Because my poking fun at menstruation
Endangers all of women’s liberation!
I never thought that Feminists would slam me
For being as creative as I can be.
But when I do not toe the party line
Apparently I’m guilty of some crime
Oh tell me, Sisters of the Second Wave
Just give me all the answers that I crave:
If you’re so keen on my emancipation
Why all this handwringing and consternation
When women who are not the same as you
Are doing what the hell they want to do?
The sad thing is, women are still oppressed
And treated as subordinate at best
A movement advocating women’s rights
Should not be hampered by internal fights
But with our culture’s sexism we’re cursed
We’ll always blame another woman first
But those who castigate their ‘sisters’ when
They happen to get on alright with men
The same men they’re accusing of unfairness
Oh ladies, do you have no self awareness?
Yes I’m atypically feminist
I’m radical alright, but with a twist.
Please, spread the word, and tell it to your progeny
Misandry is as sexist as misogyny.